Hello, am I a malfunction?
I find myself pulling back every time I get close to someone. I’ve watched YouTube videos or read articles or posts on Quora. I really wanted to know the answer. I still do. They say people like me are insecure of something. I don’t know what that something is exactly.
I can’t open up to people. But I can be noisy and not be super open with my thoughts and feelings, which, in fact, are some of the most precious things to me.
I can’t even explain myself. Don’t ask me about me and expect answers. I know I’m indecisive & stubborn. That, I can tell you. Other than that, I’m as clueless as you.
I can’t let people know how I’m thinking, what I’m thinking. I have about 3-4 friends I can be completely open with and for that, I’m grateful. I love them with all my heart. Yet, it’s a struggle.
How can I let myself go, to everyone I get close to? It scares me to know that someone wants to go in my head and try to understand me, which I know they need a long time to. People have said it’s hard to get me. It terrifies me.
It’s been about a year since I released my thoughts & feelings into words on here and there’s nothing better than this.
I’m gonna end this year, writing, into 2018.
I have also been thinking of getting a buffalo journal but hey, it’s harder to hide a journal (a physical one!) from someone than a blog. If you haven’t gotten the idea, I’m still protective of my feelings & thoughts, they mean everything to me & I can’t just let them out yet. Side note, I’m also lazy.
I needed a small outlet for my thoughts so I’m happy for it to be on here.
Till next time,